we're all stories in the end

Holly Stuckey, a twelve year old girl living in Wales, died last week. The constant and sometimes homophobic bullying she was subjected to may have been a factor.

There's a huge amount of discussion out there about this terrible subject right now, most of which I am not engaging in because it all hits too much close to home, but I do have a bit to say.

( We have to stop policing our kids so that they can stop policing each other )

Judge overturns California's ban on same-sex marriage.

Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same sex couples.

Today's a good day to be in California. :D

The case of Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza, the couple sentenced to fourteen years' hard labour under Malawi's anti-gay laws, has caused a good deal of outrage worldwide, and quite rightly. But why, when the world's media has been shocked by the Malawi government's sentence, has it followed it so meekly in regarding Tiwonge Chimbalanga as a gay man, when their own reports make it clear that she is either intersex or a trans woman?

- steepholm in transgender here.

Seems to me to be a pretty important fact of the case that I haven't seen reported anywhere until today. The very least we can do for Chimbalanga is gender her properly.

Superbowl related:

AfterEllen: Superbowl ads have a problem with the ladies
Shakesville: Superbowl ads open thread
The Sexist: Why Superbowl ads are so racist, sexist and homophobic

also:

Shakesville: Brace Yourselves, Fatsronauts

FWD/Forward: Ask Me No Question And I'll Tell You No Lies

Iowa Republicans seek to exclude LGBT students from the Safe Schools anti-bullying bill (the proposed amendment)

*facepalm* Okay, look. I am both queer and female, and you know what's not okay? Implying that one of those things is more important than the other and should more strongly dictate my reading and writing habits.

Intersectionality: it's a thing.

Also, can we stop phrasing this whole mess in terms of a gender binary? There are a lot of gender identities represented within fandom, and plenty of them are being erased right now. Stop it, fandom!

In the great sprawling land that is the internet, it makes no sense to say 'there should be more x!' and mean 'there should be less y!'. There is, in fact, room enough for everything. I think there should be more femslash, I think there should be more genfic about female friendships, I think there should be more women-centric vids. That doesn't mean I think there should be less of anything else, because I am not a fan of lecturing a majority-female community about what they can or can't do.

Besides, I don't want there to be less slash anyway - it's about people like me, it's relevant to my interests! (Which is not to say every queer person connects with guyslash in that way.) No type of fanwork is the distinct product of a particular group, and as such you can't dismiss anything as having less value in terms of identity politics - 'straight women write slash and are anti-feminist!' etc. Um, no.

I tell you what there should be less of, though: misogyny and character-bashing and double standards! That's the stuff that makes fandom feel hostile to female characters sometimes, and you see it in guyslash and het and gen and poly and even, depressingly, in femslash. (I read a femslash story this one time that didn't even pass the Bechdel test, it was tragic.) And I think it's overly simplistic to talk about fandom just in terms of fanworks, when people's meta and squee and discussion has just as much impact on the overall environment. LJ/DW/IJ fandom is more than a fic archive!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to the Kahlan/Cara fic I've got open in tabs, whilst listening to the song I'm about to vid Merlin/Arthur to. I never before though that would make me feel ~edgy~.

+ vid rec: obsessive24's Wicked Game (BSG), which is about Dee, omg, I remember why I loved her so much all over again. And it also made me all ragey at 4.5 all over again!

( quickly on BSG and gender, with spoilers for the whole series )

+ Relatedly, this post on queer subtext hit me -right here-. Because yes. We have so, so little positive representation in both mainstream and genre TV, and it makes such a difference. All I want are characters who are like me and alive and get to be happy, and -- well, that's not been the case for a while. I am thus both cautiously optimistic and VERY NERVOUS about Skins S4. *clings to Naomi & Emily* I am also looking forward to the new BBC drama, Lip Service, which is about 20-something lesbians in Glasgow. *crosses fingers* (And AfterEllen's article on it made me laugh - oh, The L Word. I loved you, and am still fond of your early seasons, but really.

+ blog carnival: Disability Blog Carnival #63: Relationships (February 2010 edition) is being hosted by avendya at disability, with submissions due by February 20th. \o/

Rachel Maddow, how so awesome?

This is how the media should discuss trans people – no misgendering, no references to “old names,” no assertions of so-called “biological sex,” no irrelevant digressions into medical history, no positioning of “trans” as more important than “woman” or “man”. Just this:

[via Questioning Transphobia, transcript available at the link]

( cut for video embed )

+ Julie Bindel brings the transphobic fail once again. This link comes with a blood pressure warning, for it is full of offensive vitriol. Get off my team, Bindel, you make us look awful!

+ Via the New York Times, not all groups have felt the recession equally. It's US stats, but i suspect relevant across other countries too. In any case, illuminating and rather dismal.

+ Disability and Asexuality by kaz on FWD/Forward, a really great new-ish feminist disability blog. Highly recommended reading.

+ Also on FWD, avendya posts To Whom It May Concern.

+ ressie_noldo writes on the monstrous other; for the asian women blog carnival.

+ Lastly and unrelatedly, who_daily and torchwood_three are looking for new newsletter editors. I'm stepping down from my position as a back-up editor due to time constraints, but I do recommend it unreservedly to anyone who likes being part of the cogs and gears of fandom - things are quiet at the moment, too, so it's a good time to step in and get to grips with things.

National Coming Out Day is actually marked in the UK tomorrow, but for most of the world it's today. Besides, it's past midnight, so let's go.

Coming out is complicated, and it's also never-ending, as rm talks about here.

I am always reluctant to buy into the idea of coming out as some kind of obligation, because I don't believe it's an absolute good. I have benefited enormously from everyone in my life and everyone in the public eye who has spoken openly about their sexuality, but none of them owed that to me. Being out is important to me in my personal life and in my relationships with my parents and my friends, but it's not like that for everyone.

I'm not just out in my personal life, though, I'm also out in my public life, such as it is. And every single time I come out - in a conversation with an acquaintance, in an introduction at a meeting - it's careful, it's calculated. It's never without risk.

I'm lucky. The risks I take are small ones, when compared to the horrible consequences of being openly queer that continue to face many today. My consequences are the loss of potential friendships, strange looks, insults. Often, I am taken less seriously when it comes to LGBT issues - after all, as a member of the group in question I must be 'over-emotional' and 'lack perspective'. You know how the story goes.

Small risks, small consequences, by and large. But they build and build over time, and it's not okay. I take those risks, it's my choice. I don't believe that makes me better than someone who makes a different choice.

Ultimately, it's about our selves, our truths, and we owe that to no one. Because the truth is that whether we are out or not, we are everywhere. We are your bosses and your doctors and your teachers, your friends, your relatives, your neighbours. And we're not just gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender either - we are queer, androgynous, intersex, pansexual, genderqueer, asexual, poly, kinky, so many things. That list will never be exhaustive. We are more than labels can ever capture. That's our truth, and no one has the power to take that away from any of us.

My name's Amy; I'm gay. I stand up and say that openly, again and again, because I can, because I want to, and because my risks are small. I say it because I hope that sometimes time and place will converge so that my words can help someone else, just like others' words helped me.

I say it because it's my truth. Treat it as such. It's never without risk.

* From astolat, OTW owns the goddamn servers! Which is very cool to behold.

* Gordon Brown has released a statement in response to the petition for an apology for Alan Turing. It makes for heartening reading.

* Merlin promos/behind-the-scenes pictures continue to induce glee! Here are some pictures of Gwen and Morgana, and here's the whole cast with guest stars (general premise & casting spoilers for the first three episodes). I have to say, ( casting spoilers )

* Lastly, because this looks amusing (please play so I can spam you with bizarre feedback!): Give me the title of a story I've never written, and feedback telling me what you liked best about it, and I will tell you any of: the first sentence, the last sentence, the thing that made me want to write it, the biggest problem I had while writing it, why it almost never got posted, the scene that hit the cutting room floor but that I wish I'd been able to salvage, or something else that I want readers to know.