National Coming Out Day

[such_heights]

National Coming Out Day is actually marked in the UK tomorrow, but for most of the world it's today. Besides, it's past midnight, so let's go.

Coming out is complicated, and it's also never-ending, as rm talks about here.

I am always reluctant to buy into the idea of coming out as some kind of obligation, because I don't believe it's an absolute good. I have benefited enormously from everyone in my life and everyone in the public eye who has spoken openly about their sexuality, but none of them owed that to me. Being out is important to me in my personal life and in my relationships with my parents and my friends, but it's not like that for everyone.

I'm not just out in my personal life, though, I'm also out in my public life, such as it is. And every single time I come out - in a conversation with an acquaintance, in an introduction at a meeting - it's careful, it's calculated. It's never without risk.

I'm lucky. The risks I take are small ones, when compared to the horrible consequences of being openly queer that continue to face many today. My consequences are the loss of potential friendships, strange looks, insults. Often, I am taken less seriously when it comes to LGBT issues - after all, as a member of the group in question I must be 'over-emotional' and 'lack perspective'. You know how the story goes.

Small risks, small consequences, by and large. But they build and build over time, and it's not okay. I take those risks, it's my choice. I don't believe that makes me better than someone who makes a different choice.

Ultimately, it's about our selves, our truths, and we owe that to no one. Because the truth is that whether we are out or not, we are everywhere. We are your bosses and your doctors and your teachers, your friends, your relatives, your neighbours. And we're not just gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender either - we are queer, androgynous, intersex, pansexual, genderqueer, asexual, poly, kinky, so many things. That list will never be exhaustive. We are more than labels can ever capture. That's our truth, and no one has the power to take that away from any of us.

My name's Amy; I'm gay. I stand up and say that openly, again and again, because I can, because I want to, and because my risks are small. I say it because I hope that sometimes time and place will converge so that my words can help someone else, just like others' words helped me.

I say it because it's my truth. Treat it as such. It's never without risk.

Comments

[iambickilometer]

Thanks for posting about this, Amy. :) Honestly, I agree with all you've said, and I've burnt myself out writing my own blog entry, but. Thank you.

[such_heights]

*hearts* Yeah, this took me forever to write yesterday.

[iambickilometer]

Honesty is exhausting stuff, it really is.

[glass_icarus]

&hearts like a thousand suns.

[such_heights]

♥!

[liseuse]

This was wonderful to read. Thank you.

[sophinisba]

Great post, Amy. Thanks for this.

[briar_pipe]

Thank you, sweets. You're some kind of awesome.

[nohwrah.livejournal.com]

We are your bosses and your doctors and your teachers, your friends, your relatives, your neighbours. And we're not just gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender either - we are queer, androgynous, intersex, pansexual, genderqueer, asexual, poly, kinky, so many things. That list will never be exhaustive. We are more than labels can ever capture. That's our truth, and no one has the power to take that away from any of us.
This is beautifully worded and so, so true.

And you're right in saying that you don't owe it to anyone to come out. But hopefully, the fact that you - and many other people - are doing it, will one day make labels like homosexual or transgender or anything of the sort redundant.

So thank you for doing this. ♥

[such_heights]

Thanks, sweets! It all seems to be part of the long path we're on, yeah.

[magnetic-pole.livejournal.com]

Yay, Amy! *cheers* Well put. M.

[such_heights]

Thank you! (Incidentally, this event always makes me think of you - three years ago when we were joining fandom, the things folks like you and penknife had to say about your life made a huge difference to me. I'm not sure if I've mentioned that before.)

[magnetic-pole.livejournal.com]

And listening to you think through these issues has been wonderful for me, as well, A. I always feel as if I learn something from your posts. *smooch* M.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Often, I am taken less seriously when it comes to LGBT issues - after all, as a member of the group in question I must be 'over-emotional' and 'lack perspective'. You know how the story goes.

See, that seems so odd that people would say or even think this. I truly don't get that. It's completely condescending and I'm sorry you've encountered this attitude.

Every time someone comes out, it helps someone else in some way, and I think it's a true gift to others to share who you are as a person. :)

[such_heights]

It's common across a whole range of issues, sadly. I find it pretty odd too! It's this idea that it's straight white men who are able to be impartial and the rest of just have too many feelings, or something.

Anyway, thanks - I do hope this is of use to somebody!

[mindabbles.livejournal.com]

What a lovely and spot-on post. *hugs*

[such_heights]

Thanks, Min, I appreciate that!

[verasteine.livejournal.com]

I say it because it's my truth. Treat it as such. It's never without risk.

I'm going to keep that in mind. It's one of those things that I know intellectually, but never really think of. Another thing I wanted to say to you this morning, apart from, great post!, is that visibility makes a difference. Just being visible means that I think of you whenever someone says something they shouldn't, or tries to dismiss something that's relevant. Just wanted to tell you that. In a small way, you've made a difference in my life, in what I do and what choices I make. So thank you for speaking out.

[crooked.livejournal.com]

i love everything about this post ♥

[bornofstars.livejournal.com]

Amy, I admire you so much for being open and never compromising who you are. You've taught me so much. ♥ You go, girl.

[paulamcg.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I wish I knew how to say more, but thank you for standing up and saying all this. It makes a huge difference.

[sunnyrea.livejournal.com]

Well put!

[wanderlight.livejournal.com]

You are so goddamn awesome, it's blinding. ♥