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warning: links in this post and content behind cuts contain discussion of sexual assault that, though non-graphic, may be triggering
So. There has been an awful lot of discussion recently about the SPN-turned-panfandom blow-up about cons, sexual coercion, personal responsibility and a host of other related topics. About which, first a few basic points:
+ If you are conducting sexual activity without the full consent of everyone in the room, whether they're directly involved or not, then what you are doing is Not Okay.
+ Silence in no way equals consent.
+ It is no one's personal responsibility to speak out and protest in an environment where zie has every reason to feel profoundly unsafe. It is everyone's personal responsibility never to make someone feel that way.
+ No matter what the circumstances, what you did or didn't say, what you were wearing, how much you'd had to drink, sexual harassment, coercion and assault are only ever the fault of the perpetrator.
+ ( It took me a long time to learn that last one. )
This also all seems rather pertinent as I make plans to attend cons this summer. And so, in the vein of others on my rlist, a promise for when I'm attending Vividcon and Dragon*Con:
If it looks like someone's bothering you, I will come and see if you're all right. If it looks like your judgement's been impaired and you're being coerced into something, I'll intervene, with backup if necessary.
If you come to me and tell me that there's a problem and you want help, I will believe you without question. I won't make judgements based on your clothing, your gender identity or presentation, or how much you've had to drink. I'll believe you even if I don't know you and you're being harassed by my best friend.
I'll help you however you want me to. I will tell someone to back off, I will make excuses for you so you can get away, I will alert appropriate authorities. I'll come with you to the con organisers, or speak to them on your behalf. I'll help you find somewhere safe if you need it, and I'll sit with you for as long as you want. I've got your back.
So. There has been an awful lot of discussion recently about the SPN-turned-panfandom blow-up about cons, sexual coercion, personal responsibility and a host of other related topics. About which, first a few basic points:
+ If you are conducting sexual activity without the full consent of everyone in the room, whether they're directly involved or not, then what you are doing is Not Okay.
+ Silence in no way equals consent.
+ It is no one's personal responsibility to speak out and protest in an environment where zie has every reason to feel profoundly unsafe. It is everyone's personal responsibility never to make someone feel that way.
+ No matter what the circumstances, what you did or didn't say, what you were wearing, how much you'd had to drink, sexual harassment, coercion and assault are only ever the fault of the perpetrator.
+ ( It took me a long time to learn that last one. )
This also all seems rather pertinent as I make plans to attend cons this summer. And so, in the vein of others on my rlist, a promise for when I'm attending Vividcon and Dragon*Con:
If it looks like someone's bothering you, I will come and see if you're all right. If it looks like your judgement's been impaired and you're being coerced into something, I'll intervene, with backup if necessary.
If you come to me and tell me that there's a problem and you want help, I will believe you without question. I won't make judgements based on your clothing, your gender identity or presentation, or how much you've had to drink. I'll believe you even if I don't know you and you're being harassed by my best friend.
I'll help you however you want me to. I will tell someone to back off, I will make excuses for you so you can get away, I will alert appropriate authorities. I'll come with you to the con organisers, or speak to them on your behalf. I'll help you find somewhere safe if you need it, and I'll sit with you for as long as you want. I've got your back.
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