where do we go from here?

[such_heights]

I know, I know - a week ago I didn't expect my journal to still be All Torchwood All The Time either.

The Scream, by obsessive24
Experimental vidlet. Hi, scars will heal soon.

This is a really exceptional piece of editing, for one thing. And it just feels like this one long, senseless howl, which really says it all.

A Blip In Time by di_br
Ianto has a few things he needs to say before the end.

This is just really fucking sad. I can't watch it all the way through - god, there's this slight change in the music, and I have to hit pause and go away and do something else for a while - but I like di_br's stuff a lot and this is very good.

And now that the dust is beginning to settle, the question I am asking myself is where do I go from here, fannishly? And I'm not sure, but I have come to a few conclusions.

Immediately after Day Five had aired, I wanted to run to greener pastures, to move right away from the thing that had hurt me. I don't want to do that now. Certain exceptions aside, which I'll get to in a moment, fandom this weekend has been amazing. You've made me smile, laugh, cry, nod along, and all in all feel so much better. It's made me realise just how attached I really am to this stupid show, and how much I want to stay. I don't want one story to take a universe away from me.

My feelings about Torchwood continues to feel like a break-up, but that doesn't mean I'll never watch again. If there is a series 4, I might watch for Gwen, because I still love her, but it'll be cautious, removed viewing. The way I watched SGA sometimes, or how I approach BSG now. I don't know if I can watch any of Children of Earth again, though. I was so happy, so hopeful with the first three episodes, and I don't know if I can bear that or not when rewatching. We'll see.

There's been a lot of talk just now because James Moran posted stepping back on his blog. Obviously, the behaviour of some fans has been appalling, the line more of a dot in the distance to them. However, much as I do understand his reaction, I feel like part of what he's saying is that even if I do feel hurt by the show, I'm not allowed to blame the writers for it. I actually don't have any interest in probing the intentions of the writers, and all the talk about RTD is/is not self-hating, etc etc etc, is not something I want to be involved in. But it remains the case that the writing hurt me; the writers' choices hurt me. I feel no desire to let them know that, but there it is.

There's also a lot of discussion also about whether or not Ianto's death is an instance of the Bury Your Gays trope. And, well.

I talked earlier in the week about how happy I was to see that relationship being dealt with more directly, more in-depth. It was being built up like that and it was being incorporated so centrally into Ianto's character because they were going to kill him. And the only reason he died was to fuel Jack's angst - he got refrigerated, a queer version of the usual trope where the girlfriend dies for added manpain. Gwen and Rhys survive, Rhiannon and Johnny survive, because they and their children are important, but Ianto is not, a terribly sad character who could be sacrificed along the way. In Day Five, that really got rammed home. What do we know about Ianto? Maybe nothing at all, except that he was gay for Jack and now he's dead.

Of course other characters suffered, of course that's only a part of an overall picture of bleakness that I still wouldn't have enjoyed if he'd survived, or even if it had been an original series. I can rarely stomach things so hopeless. But it's a thing that really stings.

Stupid me, I guess, stupid naive me. This is a show where people like me can save the world, but they can't be happy, and they can't live to see it. And I'm really pretty unhappy about that.

Look, xtricks said it all much better than me in Bring Out Your Dead.

And I appreciate that other people feel differently about the whole thing for any number of reasons, and I understand and respect that. I am far from The Voice of queer Torchwood fans, nor do I want to be. I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me, but I'm also expecting not to be dismissed out of hand. Don't make me break out a bingo card on this, is all I'm saying.

Okay, that felt good to write. Where do I go from here? I'm looking forward to finding out.

Comments

[such_heights]

I've been staring at this comment box for ages! Okay, I'm going to try a different tack.

I think it's fair to say objectively that Ianto's sexuality was really emphasised right before he died, and that in the course of the story a gay relationship ended in a blaze of doom and despair. Which is the standard way that these things go.

Now, it's entirely possible that the above can be mitigated, if it's an integral part of a story that's worth telling, if the specific context makes it okay. The trouble is, because I absolutely hated where the story went in the end, I don't feel like that. Which is completely personal and subjective! But in means that not only did I get more dead queers bang in the middle of a avidly-watched show, it was in service of a story that went on to do a lot of other things I found far more horrifying to actually watch. So the context isn't exactly mitigating for me, personally.

So, for point one, Children of Earth included a trope that I really hate, and rather than it being in a context that I could accept, it was the start of a final arc that I really didn't like. Obviously I don't expect everyone else to agree with me there, but that's part of why I feel bothered by it.

More generally, I'm sad and disappointed to have lost a major positive portrayal of a gay relationship in sci-fi. It was a sympathetic portrayal in CoE but not a positive one - it wasn't motivated by homophobia or anything, but it also didn't end well, if the distinction makes sense. Nothing was positively portrayed in CoE, mind you, but nonetheless. The whole of Torchwood got taken in a really, really dark direction, and this is one of the consequences. I'm left wishing they hadn't told that story.

As I said, I'm not expecting everyone to share my feelings on it, but I think that's more or less why I feel so disappointed - it's quite tough to articulate, actually, sorry if I'm not being clear.

[serpentpixie.livejournal.com]

I think it's fair to say objectively that Ianto's sexuality was really emphasised right before he died, and that in the course of the story a gay relationship ended in a blaze of doom and despair.

Yes, it was emphasised, and rightly so. Wouldn't more people be kicking up a fuss if their relationship had been shelved to one side?
I'm perplexed because the idea of "star-crossed lovers" has existed in literature since time began - that in itself is a genre/part of a genre, and genres DO play into certain audience expectations. They have to, in order to attract the right audience. That's, like, one of the first things you have to learn when you start writing.
By the way, straight relationships have been ending in doom and despair for thousands of years. I'm fairly sure that Romeo and Juliet didn't get much of a happy ending, and actually it's arguable that such stories show how love is the most powerful of all emotions. Surely then it's a good thing to show that a gay relationship can be equally powerful?

But, I guess, if you didn't like the plot itself, that's a fair enough comment. You're certainly entitled to think that.

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

The objection is less that gay star-crossed lovers exist, but that there are practically no other gay romances. There are thousands upon thousands of straight happy non-dying romances on film, if I choose I could easily watch nothing but. But if I want to watch a gay romance that doesn't end in death and disease... I come up with some examples, mostly because I've spent years tracking down every one I could, but not many, not high profile and rarely done with the budget and talent to make them worthwhile.