this isn't really a post about rockclimbing

[such_heights]

Like many people with depression, winter is a tricky time of year for me. Now that November's here, bringing darkness to the northern hemisphere, it's difficult to see the coming months as more than an obstacle to overcome, and once again I find myself wondering why exactly it is we don't hibernate as a species. In lieu of that I've got a range of tactics to start implementing - sun lamps and health professionals and friends and endless cups of tea. Whether all of that is enough to prevent the onset altogether remains to be seen.

The beginning of winter always feels to me like standing on a narrow bridge in a high wind. There is a path to the other side, where there is solid ground again, but there's also this big ravine below. More often than not, I end up in the ravine, at least for a little while.

It's rocky and lifeless down there, and difficult to traverse without injury. But I've been there plenty of times by now and I know what provisions to take and what some of the routes are. There are old battle sites there, some that I've learned from and some that may well trip me up all over again. But I know that sooner or later I will get to the other side and haul myself back up again. The speed and difficulty of the journey varies tremendously from year to year, but I do spend at least a little time down there most winters.

In some ways, the familiarity helps, because I know what to expect. On the other hand, there's a sense of dread, because I know what's down there and I don't like it all. All the preparation in the world can't mitigate the fact that frankly, it sucks down there. I can survive it, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy it. I'd much rather stay up here, where the path is easy and there's colour and life. But the wind's picking up, and I still haven't learned how to stop it bowling me over.

So if this is a difficult time of year for you too, I hear you, I really do. And hey, if we do end up in the ravine, maybe we can set up camp for a while and make a fire. I'll bring marshmallows.

Comments

[musesfool]

<3

[pocky_slash]

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It's the dread that's weighing me down right now. Fear of being depressed is making me prematurely depressed :\

I think one of the big problems is that usually I have something of a reprieve during the summer and since I spent all summer depressed about being unemployed and poor, I feel like I just got past this and now it's back :\

I will be there too, bb. We'll come find each other when we're stuck ♥

[ladyjane]

Fear of being depressed is making me prematurely depressed :\

I hear that. *siiiigh*
The worst thing is, it's not an "irrational' fear that you can combat with the usual psycho/neuro techniques like affirmations. It's something that can actually happen. It's like a hurricane heading for Florida. All you can do is lay in supplies, pray it misses you, and, if it doesn't, ride it out until the sun starts shining again. *hugs*

[monanotlisa]

♥

[celli]

*solidarity*

[juniperphoenix]

<3

I'll bring the hot cider.

[glass_icarus]

&hearts &hearts &hearts &hearts &hearts!!

[rhivolution]

I hear you. Best wishes to you in your journey, maybe I'll see you. For s'mores.

[secondsilk]

Love and hugs!

[kaberett]

Marmite & bread can definitely come with me...

[silverhare]

Your 'discussion of depression' cut-text was right above my own 'discussion of depression' cut-text.

*proffers tea and biscuits*

[mergatrude]

*sends a little jar of Southern sunshine*

[fizzyblogic]

*hugs* ♥ Winter may not be my worst time of year, but I do have one, so I know this sense of dread and steeling yourself for it. I am here, will be here all winter, if you ever need to flop on someone or vent or need a hand up a rock or something. *more hugs*

[wisdomeagle]

*fistbump of solidarity* I don't have SAD afai can tell, but my depression has been twigging for months, so, yes.

[just_ann_now]

*sends waves of positive energy*

[lyras]

*hugs* I know you will be well, but I am here for you if you're not.

[woldy]

*hugs*

[ladyjane]

I'm in! *packs ribeye steaks & Woodford Reserve bourbon* ;D

*looks around*
OTOH, there's a bunch of us here. Maybe me could make a chain and help each other acroos the chasm? *holds out hand*

[sunnyrea.livejournal.com]

I like your analogy, well put, and I hope you stay on the bridge this season. :)

[lilacsigil]

I don't have seasonal depression, but I do have body temperature regulation issues which feed into my depression, and summer is my bad time of year - which is where I'm heading now! Last summer was an easy one, and I'm so, so hoping that it's the case this year.

[st_aurafina]

I understand - I'm bracing myself for this time, too. Except that sun/heat/summer is my bad season - I totally know the feeling of getting ready for the long slog, and trying to be as prepared and as self-aware as possible.

Hang in there - I wish we could swap. I'd take your cold and snow and short days, and give you all my heat, sunlight and long evenings.

[livrelibre]

<3s and fist of solidarity

[miss_haitch]

*hugs* Your analogy rings very true. I will bring a ton of blankets and mugs of tea and other nice warming things. <3

[zahrawithaz.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

This is an absolutely lovely post. Thank you for making it.

[tamsin]

I hear you. I'm trying to be generous to myself and use self care tactics to cushion the fall, but I know it's coming and that weighs on me.

I hope you'll share some marshmallows, I've never had them before. I'll bring the chocolate.

[such_heights]

Ah, self care - I always find that so hard, so you're doing great. *hugs*

[megwrites]

Thank you for this. I am fighting this exact battle right now and I am really, really struggling to get through each moment, much less each day.

Knowing I'm not alone helps. Knowing that coping happens and that things can get better also helps. Because if I had to face doing this for the REST OF MY LIFE, I just don't know what I'd do.

[such_heights]

I am very sorry to hear that, but you are so, so far from alone, and it won't always be like this. *many hugs*

[snorkackcatcher]

Kind of know the feeling. *hugs*

[ashpags]

*squishes you*