seasonal fests and boundary policing

[such_heights]

Sign-ups are open for rs_small_gifts until October 30th! The one fest that keeps dragging me back to HP.

But folks, can we quickly chat about exchange requests and boundary policing? I know, because I used to do it myself, that it's frequently standard fandom practice to put in a list of kinks that you don't like - 'the usual squicks like scat, bloodplay, watersports', 'none of that icky body fluid stuff' - etc etc.

Let's talk about a couple of the reasons why that's a problem:

1. It relies on a ridiculous premise, namely that there are all these kinky types waiting in the wings to spring on your request and write you watersports fic unless you specifically state otherwise. People want to write things that you'll like! Therefore, they are likely to work based on the things you've listed that you like, rather than assuming that anything you haven't specifically listed in your request is fair game.

Trying to make a complete list of things you dislike would be absurd, we'd be here all week. Keep it simple, specific, and mostly based on things that people genuinely might think to write for you unless you mention it, and it's all be fine. For instance, I've mentioned 'drunkenness' as a thing in my sign-up because it's a common story device in Remus/Sirius fic and one I don't personally like. Giving a long list of kinks you don't like, using derogatory language, being vague (what do you mean by 'the usual squicks' or 'kink' anyway?) or naming rare-in-fandom kinks is unnecessary and unhelpful.

2. And the reason that the above is a particular problem is because the continuous reinforcement of certain kinks as 'gross', 'icky', 'weird' etc is a method of boundary policing and holding up some pretty crappy fandom norms. It shames people who might otherwise want to request and write those things, and it shames people for whom whatever kink in question isn't just a fictional like but a real life practice or interest. By participating in that kind of behaviour you contribute to a culture in which some things are acceptable and others are not, and really we could all do without that.

Comments

[sophinisba]

I feel I should put something under dislikes if everyone else is

Hee, I have trouble with this too. It was especially awkward at merlinfemfest where the item on the form was not "I would prefer not to write" but "Things I won't touch with a ten-foot jousting stick". I just couldn't handle saying that about any kind of fic, although I did list a couple things I don't want to receive.

I don't know, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing because I agree that the boundary policing is anti-kink and makes people feel bad, especially when it's the same squicks listed over and over again, but then I also believe people should be specific and honest about the things they don't want so that writers/creators have that guidance. And to me saying "No one's going to write you surprise watersports so you don't need to bother to list it as a squick" reinforces that fannish norm as much as a bunch of requests saying "no watersports, please".

Or maybe I'm just defensive because I listed all the usual squicks in my Yuletide letter last year and now I feel guilty about it, I don't know. :P

such_heights, thanks for this post!

[such_heights]

And to me saying "No one's going to write you surprise watersports so you don't need to bother to list it as a squick" reinforces that fannish norm as much as a bunch of requests saying "no watersports, please".

I guess it depends on context. In something like Small Gifts, most creations are around the make-out rating, so to me it seems a bit incongruous to say 'I would like something about first time hand-holding in the snow, but omg no scat'.

On the other hand, if in Yuletide or something your request runs along the lines of 'I would love some porn! I enjoy lots of kinks including bondage and verbal humiliation, but I'd prefer not to receive watersports or bloodplay', then that's different, you know? Or to say that you'd prefer vanilla-ish sex, or that light bondage is about as hardcore as you get, etc. Does that make sense?

[netgirl_y2k]

Yeah, I remember thinking that the phrasing on the femfest post was, er, maybe a bit thoughtless. But I did think it was interesting that most of the people signing up were listing things like pregnancy and kidfic as squicks, rather than, you know, sexual kinks. Sometimes I really think femslash is a wee world all of its own.

[sophinisba]

Yeah, pregnancy, kidfic, and genderswap were the big no-nos in that one, which definitely goes along with what such_heights was saying in her response to me about what kinds of things you're likely to get or want in different kinds of fests. I love me some genderswap but for the most part it's not what I'm looking for at a femslash exchange. :)