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such_heights) wrote2010-10-19 02:10 pm
such_heights) wrote2010-10-19 02:10 pm
Entry tags:
seasonal fests and boundary policing
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rs_small_gifts until October 30th! The one fest that keeps dragging me back to HP.
But folks, can we quickly chat about exchange requests and boundary policing? I know, because I used to do it myself, that it's frequently standard fandom practice to put in a list of kinks that you don't like - 'the usual squicks like scat, bloodplay, watersports', 'none of that icky body fluid stuff' - etc etc.
Let's talk about a couple of the reasons why that's a problem:
1. It relies on a ridiculous premise, namely that there are all these kinky types waiting in the wings to spring on your request and write you watersports fic unless you specifically state otherwise. People want to write things that you'll like! Therefore, they are likely to work based on the things you've listed that you like, rather than assuming that anything you haven't specifically listed in your request is fair game.
Trying to make a complete list of things you dislike would be absurd, we'd be here all week. Keep it simple, specific, and mostly based on things that people genuinely might think to write for you unless you mention it, and it's all be fine. For instance, I've mentioned 'drunkenness' as a thing in my sign-up because it's a common story device in Remus/Sirius fic and one I don't personally like. Giving a long list of kinks you don't like, using derogatory language, being vague (what do you mean by 'the usual squicks' or 'kink' anyway?) or naming rare-in-fandom kinks is unnecessary and unhelpful.
2. And the reason that the above is a particular problem is because the continuous reinforcement of certain kinks as 'gross', 'icky', 'weird' etc is a method of boundary policing and holding up some pretty crappy fandom norms. It shames people who might otherwise want to request and write those things, and it shames people for whom whatever kink in question isn't just a fictional like but a real life practice or interest. By participating in that kind of behaviour you contribute to a culture in which some things are acceptable and others are not, and really we could all do without that.
rs_small_gifts until October 30th! The one fest that keeps dragging me back to HP.But folks, can we quickly chat about exchange requests and boundary policing? I know, because I used to do it myself, that it's frequently standard fandom practice to put in a list of kinks that you don't like - 'the usual squicks like scat, bloodplay, watersports', 'none of that icky body fluid stuff' - etc etc.
Let's talk about a couple of the reasons why that's a problem:
1. It relies on a ridiculous premise, namely that there are all these kinky types waiting in the wings to spring on your request and write you watersports fic unless you specifically state otherwise. People want to write things that you'll like! Therefore, they are likely to work based on the things you've listed that you like, rather than assuming that anything you haven't specifically listed in your request is fair game.
Trying to make a complete list of things you dislike would be absurd, we'd be here all week. Keep it simple, specific, and mostly based on things that people genuinely might think to write for you unless you mention it, and it's all be fine. For instance, I've mentioned 'drunkenness' as a thing in my sign-up because it's a common story device in Remus/Sirius fic and one I don't personally like. Giving a long list of kinks you don't like, using derogatory language, being vague (what do you mean by 'the usual squicks' or 'kink' anyway?) or naming rare-in-fandom kinks is unnecessary and unhelpful.
2. And the reason that the above is a particular problem is because the continuous reinforcement of certain kinks as 'gross', 'icky', 'weird' etc is a method of boundary policing and holding up some pretty crappy fandom norms. It shames people who might otherwise want to request and write those things, and it shames people for whom whatever kink in question isn't just a fictional like but a real life practice or interest. By participating in that kind of behaviour you contribute to a culture in which some things are acceptable and others are not, and really we could all do without that.
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Yet I talked about it with someone once who was shocked to see me characterizing those notes as anti-kink or policing, and they made me pause when they explained their view which was something like this:
"I was previously unaware that these kinks or stories existed at all, and I never thought of them, so to include them mentally in the list of things that might end up written for me if I don't rule them out is imo a good thing. I thought of it as a broadening of my horizons."
I was gobsmacked for a moment, and then I chalked it up as one of these "I'm doing my privilege-processing in public and I don't care who sees it" blind spots (god knows I have mine too /o\). In the end we came to an understanding and it was cool... but I mention it here because that incident also made me see something I had never imagined before, namely the possibility that the person writing 'no scat, please' is genuinely under the impression that their noting it down is a sign of their tolerance and kink-awareness. That they might be trying to signal hard that they take YKIOK, JNMK to heart, and just fail to realize this is SO NOT THE WAY.
(of course that does not apply to the downright nasty remarks; I'm merely referencing the 'simple' "no X or Y, please" requests.)
Anyway. Great post, yes. <3
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BUT I might just be overestimating the possibility of someone wanting to write me kinky fic in a fic exchange, because I write a lot of kink myself. And I wrote a kinky story for Yuletide. So there's that.
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