Yet I talked about it with someone once who was shocked to see me characterizing those notes as anti-kink or policing, and they made me pause when they explained their view which was something like this:
"I was previously unaware that these kinks or stories existed at all, and I never thought of them, so to include them mentally in the list of things that might end up written for me if I don't rule them out is imo a good thing. I thought of it as a broadening of my horizons."
I was gobsmacked for a moment, and then I chalked it up as one of these "I'm doing my privilege-processing in public and I don't care who sees it" blind spots (god knows I have mine too /o\). In the end we came to an understanding and it was cool... but I mention it here because that incident also made me see something I had never imagined before, namely the possibility that the person writing 'no scat, please' is genuinely under the impression that their noting it down is a sign of their tolerance and kink-awareness. That they might be trying to signal hard that they take YKIOK, JNMK to heart, and just fail to realize this is SO NOT THE WAY.
(of course that does not apply to the downright nasty remarks; I'm merely referencing the 'simple' "no X or Y, please" requests.)
no subject
Yet I talked about it with someone once who was shocked to see me characterizing those notes as anti-kink or policing, and they made me pause when they explained their view which was something like this:
"I was previously unaware that these kinks or stories existed at all, and I never thought of them, so to include them mentally in the list of things that might end up written for me if I don't rule them out is imo a good thing. I thought of it as a broadening of my horizons."
I was gobsmacked for a moment, and then I chalked it up as one of these "I'm doing my privilege-processing in public and I don't care who sees it" blind spots (god knows I have mine too /o\). In the end we came to an understanding and it was cool... but I mention it here because that incident also made me see something I had never imagined before, namely the possibility that the person writing 'no scat, please' is genuinely under the impression that their noting it down is a sign of their tolerance and kink-awareness. That they might be trying to signal hard that they take YKIOK, JNMK to heart, and just fail to realize this is SO NOT THE WAY.
(of course that does not apply to the downright nasty remarks; I'm merely referencing the 'simple' "no X or Y, please" requests.)
Anyway. Great post, yes. <3